Emotional Mess and Trust in the Lord

Today I have been an emotional mess. Having ups and downs all day, I thank the Lord that He is With Me and my family (including Emmanuel). The last couple days have been a struggle between trusting God and my own mind.

It's so hard to put your trust in God...its not natural to us I think. We want to rely on our own understanding, the things we can see or feel. But there is a whole realm that we cannot see or feel all the time. It is the Spirit realm, or God's realm. He can see the past, present and future. He can see all His creation, souls, angels, heaven, earth and beyond (things we don't even know of).

These last couple days I have not felt the baby move much. Maybe a small movement here and there but nothing like last Thursday. Its hard to trust that Jesus has my baby in His hands when you are not seeing something tangible. Now don't worry...I am trying to not worry. I have been busy these last couple days with house cleaning, and shopping. We had a showing and open house this weekend, so its not like I have been sitting there paying total attention to Emmanuel's movements either. Thoughts have also come to mind that he might just be sideways in there. I have felt him at least 1 time a day. Maybe he is just sideways at the moment and I can't feel him so much sideways until he is bigger. I know that my fundus (the top of the uterus) is now at my navel (this is about midpoint in pregnancy) I am officially 20 weeks so halfway. This is a good sign that he has grown too.

I know in my head God's promises to never leave me (especially in hard times) but making it something that you live is so much more different. This is what God is walking me through. I need to hold on to His promises, His word and believe them, trust in Him. I know so many of you who have walked this road before and I thank you for your encouragement and understanding.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. Proverbs 3:5-7

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

I plan to spend this week along with my church in Seeking God's Face. I love how God wants to be intimate with us. I have to admit, my walk has had times of this but lots of times missing this intimacy. It's not because of Him, it has been me, too busy to make the time for the Lord, making excuses is a lot easier than feeling guilty and getting on my knees. It is sad that it takes something like life or death to get me moving...(I am not proud of this). I just thank the Lord for forgiveness that He can only give that makes a fresh start in us and washes us white as snow.

Sorry this post is more of a rambling on...like I said, I have been a mess emotionally. I think it is hormones. :-)

Thank you all who stopped me today and asked how we were doing or praying with us. I love prayer. Thank you to those who continue to pray too. Our next appointment is scheduled for Valentine's Day and that is with the Cardiologist. I do have an appointment with my regular OB midwife February 1st but this appointment will not reveal much except his heartbeat on a doppler.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11